byluke.com

A memorable moment in recent cinema (for me at least) was in the remake of The Italian Job. During one moment in the film the female lead describes herself as F.I.N.E. that is, Freaked out; Insecure; Neurotic and Emotional. I’d like to let you all know that I’m also fine.

Let’s recap. I’m not making time for my friends, I’m working insane hours at the new job and everyone remotely close to me is overseas or interstate (or planning to be) with increasing regularity. My world is in a spin and I’m left trying to micro manage the impossible.

New job you say? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I have been asked to manage one of our city stores. It has an impossible track record since the take over, writing off thousands of dollars of stock each month. I’ve been charged with fixing it, and boy am I feeling out of my depth. For once in my life I’d like to have a chat to Hitler to get some tips on how to manage the situation (hopefully it wouldn’t include murdering the Jewish staff members). That was a bit callous. My bad.

So I’m riding the rollercoaster again and I’m in a desperate need of a realignment in the personal side of my life. Work is so busy on my days off I’ll be trying madly to catch up with those I care about. No rest for the wicked they say.

There are some noticeable distances that are forming in my personal relationships and it really saddens me. It should really motivate me to the point of action, but I suppose some of these things are two way streets. Strange coincidences have been happening in decisions though, as if motivated subconsciously. I bought and wrote on a card to give to the boy I am seeing at the moment. I didn’t know his address off the top, so I thought to drop it in his letter box. I inadvertently left the card on my desk at work… meanwhile a password I chose at random today has a correlation to an ex-flame (which I didn’t realise till later). I wish I knew what it all meant.

Bottom line. I’m doing ok, but attending to whatever is making the most noise. It’s not remotely close to an ideal way to run my life, but in realising that I suppose there is a degree of empowerment.

Watch this space. 

I have spent most of the day in bed. The jobs are piling up and while my distractions are few I seem to create them so I can avoid everything. Right now I don’t want to go to bed, I don’t want to do any work, I don’t want to return calls, do my washing, be accountable, or really communicate. Do I want to exsit? Well I don’t want to not exist, so sure.

I feel the sharp pangs of contrast at the moment. My entire life has hopped back on the roller coaster of highs and lows and I’m not even sure I remember how to ride it so that I have fun along the way.

I was talking to Dan earlier this evening and commented that like he, I felt very much like I was treading water. His reply came swiftly… 

D: “But you’ve got the place, the job and the boy?” 

L: “… and I don’t even feel close to complete”

D: “Does anyone ever?”

I really really hope that there is more to life than this. Despite “doing well” for myself I feel so hollow at the moment and I really can’t put my finger on the driving factor behind it.

Moving out of home has been a big step for me. I love my family to bits, as they me, but at some point you have to stretch out (or so society would have you believe). My stretching has been eventual but now finds me sleeping in (typing to you from) my first queen-size bed in a quaint suburb I know little about. I love the new place, so far the rapport with the flat mates has been stellar and yesterday we warmed the house (though the recent cold-snap has me believing otherwise).

Perhaps I’m just feeling way outside my comfort zone (which is a good thing), but something tells me there’s more to it than that. Right now I just want reassurance that I’m doing ok with my life, my job, etc. But that reassurance isn’t coming from any extrinsic sources anymore. At long last, Luke (me) has to look within and find his core, his centre, his intrinsic drive that he (my life) is worth waking up for, taking notice of and steering in a direction (wherever the wind takes me).

I’m hoping to find some passion quick and fast because this emptiness is killing me softly. And yet, there is poetry there, for what was there before the Big Bang? Emptiness. 

I’m purging. And I don’t think I’m quite done yet… 

Coldplay’s new album is on it’s way and I for one am very excited. Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends is produced by Brian Eno who is regarded as the father of modern ambient music and has previously been involved with the likes of U2 and Bowie. The album is said to take a new direction featuring less of lead singer Chris Martin’s iconic falsetto with a ballsier sound. Currently available for pre-release download from iTunes, the two tracks we’ve had a sneak peak of are Violet Hill and Viva La Vida, the title track. I for one am a big fan of both which is why I went nuts when I saw that Apple had iPod+iTunes-ified Viva La Vida.

Above is a screen grab, click here to check it out on Apple.com or click here to download the Quicktime movie.

Check out more about Coldplay at Coldplay.com, on Wikipedia or iTunes.

I think it has been a millennia or so since my last post (in blogsphere time anyway). Do I have excuses? Sure I’ve been busy working and socalising in what little spare time I have. I’ve been thinking about you all though, I promise!

See, when I read something cool I want to tell you all about I keep the tab open in Safari. So in the past few days and weeks I’ve accrued a fair pile of things to talk about! Here’s the proof… 

And it is my solemn vow to push some of this web goodness onto you all soon!! Before it’s no longer relevant or old news.  I have a few personal updates on their way too, but hit me up on Facebook if I don’t get them up soon enough.

When I’m thinking about what my epitaph would say the following occasionally comes to mind:

"Luke… he could justify anything"

The other night I managed to surprise myself… I managed to justify flying to see the upcoming Cirque Du Soleil in Sydney in June with Jac (instead of waiting till November) because there’s an acrobatic class she’s trying to talk me into and she will also have finished working on Big Brother by then, so we have something to celebrate!

Shortly after, my iPod headphones finally gave up from the abuse they’ve copped from me since I started full time work in Brissy about 6 weeks ago. Music is a crucial part of my public-transport filled day, so I’ll need new ones. But seriously? My Blackberry message to Jac read:

"My iPod headphones just broke. Is that reason enough to buy a new iPod Nano?"

I’m also busy trying to justify a trip to Canada while I still owe thousands, and a MacBook Air because my MacBook Pro is just getting too heavy to lug around on the train every day.

Does that make me a master salesman, or just an optimist trying to put a "Glass is half-full" spin on things? Perhaps it’s a blend of both and I’m sure there are still plenty of things I’d have trouble justifying… like taking a day off work because I didn’t feel like it, or pushing a cat off a balcony to see if it bounced. I’m just glad I have good friends and family to help keep the inner justifier in check!

Lash out in the comments… what have you managed to justify (to yourself or others)… ?

As people depart MySpace daily for the infinitely better (in my humble opinion anyway) Facebook, MySpace has to continually invent new features and re-vamp its interface so there is a degree of parity between the sites.

It seems dear Rupert has gone a little crazy recently, and decided that we need yet another place to job search, and thus Sir Rupey has delivered us MySpace Jobs.

What I find most interesting is that I didn’t find out about this because Tom decided to post a comment on my profile, I saw an ad on Facebook. Well, not on Facebook itself, but in the insanely popular Scrabulous App.

Hats off to the Murdochs for this one. A very nice side step around rules and regs! That said, I still feel the relevance and usefulness of such a venture is passing, at best!!

Bets in the comments. I give it no more than 4 months!

Earlier this week I was dismayed when I was told by the third person in as many days that I looked like I was 26. I was dismayed by this for two reasons… the shock realisation that in 6 months I celebrate my 23rd birthday, so I am very quickly becoming twenty something; and that I was sure I didn’t look THAT old! (Disclaimer: not that 26 is old, but, well, I’m not 26).

As I walked home across the Green Bridge yesterday evening that dismay was replaced with a greater understanding of what that means and how it can actually be A Good Thing™.

In the eyes of customers and those I work with and for it can’t be a bad thing to be seen (from a distance) as a little older (and more responsible). I am quite possibly the youngest sales manager that Next Byte has on staff, so looking a little older must go some way to increasing my credibility, excluding my insanely broad knowledge of things Mac. That said, anyone who actually knows me knows that, well, I’m not 26 and I still have quite a few things to learn, but hey don’t we all.

So with that I will relish in being twenty something! I might even phase talking about my age out of conversation and let people construct me as they see fit. Which is very new thinking. For me.

—–
Typed on my BlackBerry® from Optus while driving on the M1

Music is such a large motivator, shaping my mood and reflecting thoughts I would otherwise have trouble expressing, so I bring you all the Soundtrack to my Life (aka. my iTunes Top 10), which this week is:

1. Time to Pretend / MGMT
2. Crazy (James Michael Mix) / Alanis Morissette
3. Nicest Thing / Kate Nash
4. Cologne Cerrone Houdini / Goldfrapp
5. A&E / Goldfrapp
6. Tell Me Why (Radio Edit) / Supermode
7. On the Verge of Something Wonderful / Darren Hayes
8. Pretty Vegas / INXS
9. Thou Shalt Always Kill (Radio Edit) / Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip
10. Naughty Girl (Radio Edit) / Mr. G

If you’re keen to hear a preview of any and you’re iTunes savvy, check out the iMix I just created!

To give a quick plug to a few of the songs… Time to Pretend is a phenomenal song, I mentioned it and the amazing music video in my last post. Alanis / Crazy have helped me get through some of the longer and more challenging days at work. Goldfrapp’s new album Seventh Tree is a perfect cure for the morning after a big night, A&E is the biggest seller so far, but I love the violin stabs in Cologne Cerrone Houdini. Tell Me Why is a bit of disco/techno goodness, and Pretty Vegas is another indulgence, just love the beat! Thou Shalt Always has been around for a while, but I rediscovered it the other day and I love the sentiments! Naughty Girl is the fruits of Chris Lilley’s labour in last year’s popular ABC series, Summer Heights High. If you’re a fan, check out the EP, it has a half dozen remixes, including a Paul Mac one. Which leaves only the haunting and melancholy Nicest Thing by Kate Nash (more violin goodness). It’s utterly depressing, but we’ve all been there and felt it.

I also just watched a lot of the music vids for the first time. While Time to Pretend is still the favourite clip of the week, I’m also a big fan of On the Verge of Something Wonderful. Pretty Vegas also has a little eye candy depending on your tastes too!

So that’s it. Let me know what you think in the comments!

My musings are always bought on by something I’ve seen, been told, or realised. In the case of my last post it was two things. One was an awesome idea I saw on a profile on a dating website I use infrequently, where in the “What I’m Looking for” section, the guy had a quiz with points… if you scored more than 100 he suggested you should message him. I thought it was an awesome concept, which sent me into the “Why can’t I come up with those anymore” tailspin… ideas that is…

The other is an amazing video Dan emailed me earlier today – MGMT’s Time to Pretend. I’ve linked the YouTube video below, but if you’re keen check out the Hi-Res version and their album on iTunes.  By all accounts, Rolling Stone has put them on their 2008 “Artists to Watch” list!

For the record, I scored 132 out of 177. Whatever that means!

I used to have a lot of ideas, to some extent I still do. Once I came up with the concept of Lego for the blind. The bricks would have braille on them, so blind children would be able to share the same simple pleasures of building Lego.

I still have ideas, but instead of things to help the planet, these days they seem to be more focussed on ways to do a better job. What would be a good flyer to design, what would be a good procedure to implement, boring by comparison. I’ve become one of those people who wake up early just to do the morning commute.

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with that either… but I wonder where it’s all heading. I now look forward to the weekend break from the 9-5 (or if you include travel and overtime, the 7-9). Emails are going unanswered, old friends are calling to check if I’m still alive and my blog has barely been touched for weeks.

Bottom line… I need to make some adjustments. I’ve just spent a lovely afternoon lazing on a couch where there was no pressure to do anything. I’ve been tired for too long and haven’t changed enough to deal better with everything I must. I mean, work offered me a work laptop the other day and I turned them down, so I could keep everything together incase I needed to work from home, or home from work.

Being the person I am I very much doubt I will ever achieve work-home separation, so I must willingly invite them both to encroach on each other to achieve a degree of balance. That said, I still miss the ideas.

At work, it seems I have been tasked with finding ways to better promote the store to the university populace. I’ve since found out that student code of conduct means the university can kick me out if I try to get up and self-promote in front of lectures, so I’m at a loss to know how to connect. Once I would have had a dozen ideas I could try, now I’m so busy with my day-to-day, I don’t have the space to be creative.

I must find that and soon, or I risk my sanity.